Sunday, November 20, 2011

The strangest names in World Football

Football has become one of the most multi-cultural sports in the world. People from every corner of the planet play it and when once upon a time it was normal to find mainly individuals of the same nationality on the field of play, nowadays we see players from all over the place sharing the same pitch. But with that comes a humorous price. While some names are common in many countries, when they’re simply said or read in English, they makes us laugh like little kids saying “rude words” for the first time. So here are 10 of the strangest names in the World of Football:

Stefan Kuntz
Famous in England for his name (and that goal in Euro '96), the now chairman of F.C Kaiserslauten should be famed for his relatively successful career. But with a name like that, you can’t expect anything other than mockery.

Argelico Fucks
Now a coach in China, with Zheijang Lucheng, the former defender was once hot property and on the radar of various clubs in Europe as well as in his native Brazil. However, he’ll always be remembered for a headline on a very popular website prior to his move to Benfica in 2001, when their main headline stated “Fucks off to Benfica”.

Milan Fukal
Apparently the name Milan is quite common in the Czech Republic. The name Fukal isn’t common anywhere. Currently at the last stages of his career, he plays for FC Hradec Kralove.

Osa Guobadia A.K.A Ice Cream
He just had to be Nigerian, didn’t he? This midfielder currently plays for Macedonian club, FK Vardar, and wasn't happy with his original name, so he decided to make a change and get Ice Cream on the back of his shirt. Sounds much more serious and intimidating now. He must strike fear into his opponents with that name!

Danger Fourpence
How bloody awesome is this name? Just think when he’s introducing himself to someone: “Hi, I’m Danger”. And just imagine the reaction of the person in front of him when he says that! He currently plays for Zimbabwean club Kiglon Bird FC as a defender.

Johan De Kock
In a career that lasted 17 years, between the 80s and 90s, Mr Kock can still proudly say that he was capped by his country 13 times. With such a name, you wouldn’t know if people would look at you in admiration or in fear. Either way, it seemed to have worked for him.

Have-a-look Dube
There’s no information about him anywhere, but he, alongside many of his Zimbabwean teammates, has got one of the strangest names in world football. I don’t know if he’s referred to as “Have” or “Have a look”, or whether people actually get confused and look around them when someone calls his name out loud. He should be thanking his parents that his family name didn't start with the letter "L".

Danny Invincible
Coolest name ever? It’s just a shame that his name is the only thing that is “invincible”. He sounds like the sort of player you’d sign in Football Manager just to be able to say you have a player whose name is “Invincible”. He’s previously played Swindon Town, Kilmarnock and St Johnstone, all of whom I am sure expected great thing of him, he now finds himself playing in Cyprus for Ermis Aradippou.

The Brazilian striker currently plays for F.C. Porto in Portugal and is one of the world’s most feared strikers. Traditionally Braziilians are given nicknames when they’re younger as  diminutives of their real names. We usually find “inho” this and something with “o” at the end (or if you’re special ‘Kaka’), but nicknaming a player after a superhero must be the compliment ever. Ever! He looks like him too! (check the main picture above)

Like Hulk, this Brazilian striker, was given the name “Pitbull”. He currently plays in Portugal for Vitoria de Setubal. He has no resemblance to a Pitbull (though it looks like he tries pretty hard), so it makes his nickname all the more confusing.

Johnny Moustache
A Seychelles international, he shares his name with the word given to describe the piece of s*** that grows on our faces. Back in the 70s, he’d have been lauded, respected and even loved for his name, nowadays, I’m not so sure. Do the ‘staches still appeal to anyone? 


  1. I googled some, and found Danny Invincible and Wolfgang Wolf

  2. me too, ...

    Dida ( AC Milan )
    Didi ( Cluj )
    Dudu ( Widzew Lodz )
    Dodo ( Corinthians )
    Dede ( Borussia Dortmund )

  3. @Figo29 - Danny's on the list!

    @Anonymous - WOW! Hahahahaha! That's fantastic!

  4. Somme funny names in the french league; they seam to have a weakness for tits :
    Alexander Tettey
    Igor Lolo

    The funny thing is Lolo and Nene played together, must have been a treat for french commentators...
    So is Marek Jankulovski....
    My personnal favorite is Bryan Bergougnoux, no joke, juste a very very ridiculous first name for such a last name....

    Oh and by the way, i think you forgot the easiest and most obvious one... KAKA !!
    And honorable mention to Philip Cocu.... Poor guy....

  5. u forgot KAKA!:P

  6. What a cool name" have a look"

  7. Have-A-Look Dube played for a premiership club in Zimbabwe, Njube Sundowns for a few seasons. At Caps United(also in Zimbabwe), we once had a great Zambian sweeper by the name of Laughter Chilembe. With his compatriot, Ian Bakala, he won us two straight league championships. Caps United also had Energy Murambadoro, a great goalie who represented Zimbabwe for many years. Should I add Danger Fourpence(Caps United, Kiglon Bird), Musareka Jenitala(Railstars), Hardlife Zvirekwi?

  8. No mention of Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink? Sounds like a Dutch prince.

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